Continuing update from last post…

I did not end my day at the 2800 cals that I had claimed on my last post. Oh no, I went back for more. The rest of my jar of pb, several scoops of pb from my sister’s jar, a pita with caramel and pb, rice krispie treat, s’more bar, 4 pieces of toast with butter and jelly (lots o butter), 3 large packs of trail mix, handfuls of honey mustard pretzels, spoonfuls of pot pie soup, croutons, creamer drunk straight from the bottle. Approx. total= 5500

Hysterical, I tell you what.

I haven’t actually felt too much guilt about it. I didn’t even restrict much yesterday, I logged 1200 calories. Today, my weight was 119.8. Up two pounds from Tuesday. Oh well. I think I don’t feel too much guilt after a binge because I know that I will just get rid of the weight within a week.  The brightside- I did not puke any of it up. I just dealt with my bloated tummy.

Today, so far, I have eaten…

French Toast Tofu- 60 cal

Mocha- 50 cal

Veggie Salad- 40                         Total= 150

Moving on from food.

I took Oliver for a walk today.We have so much fun. I like that when I walk him, we make all kinds of new friends. Everyone wants to stop and pet him or have a quik chat with me. I can’t even help but smile. I needed to smile today.

I had woken up feeling like I just wanted to die. It was so hard to get motivated to do anything at all. I decided to go to Kohl’s, in my pajamas and unbrushed teeth, to buy a cute new shirt that would make me want to live for the rest of the day. Success!!

I feel pretty now. I didn’t put in the usual 1 hour effort into my hair and makeup that I usually do. But, I actually feel more comfortable since I am not so done up.  I have NO black eyeshadow on today.

Funny story. My hair is super shiny and soft today. Why? I washed it in ice cold water which seals the cuticle of your hair to make it nice and smooth. What possessed me to wash my hair in ice cold water you ask?

The water heater is broken.

I should have a gym membership just in case situations like this happen. Guaranteed shower. This isn’t the first time this year that I have been stuck without a shower.

Ok, just had a 10 minute break for carrot (40cal) and yogurt (60cal). Total for the day= 250.  I think I will go have another mocha to make it an even 300. Then, when I add in the rest of my food for the day I will be at 1550 by the time I go to sleep. I just can not let myself eat over 1600 (unless we’re talking about a binge). I have been this way for two years now. I never “voluntarily” eat over 1600 cals. I should probably try increasing my cals until I find out what my maintenance calories are. Then, actually eat that amount and attempt to maintain my weight. It would be better than this binge, restrict cycle that keep my weight maintained.

Gross, food talk always irritates the hell out of me. But, I can’t help myself.

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