I’ve been away….

forever. Lord knows if anyone will read this. But, for my own purposes, I am going to update my itty bit of a blog.

I moved into my mumma’s home. I haven’t lived here since I was 18, and i’m now 25. Necessity is the reason I had to move, Love is why i’m staying. It feels so good to be with mumma, baby Tay, and my step-dad M. I felt like I never even moved out in the first place, feels like home.

College. Whoa. Crazy. 16 credits. With field work. And nearly 2 hour commute. Intense. But, it’s my last semester of professional classes. I will then student teach next winter, and then…. Done! I still have lots of other things to do before I graduate: CPR/First Aid, join SMEA, finish minor classes (easy as knitting), take all of my state tests, and send in grad application. These things are what I will be doing during fall, until winter student teaching starts up. I can’t believe I have made it to this point, I’ve been in college since I was 18, with a year and half gap in the middle. That is 6.5 years of full time school.

I have not been running. I stopped cold turkey. Eating disorder took over, I dropped a bit of weight but, it’s the bingeing/purging that really put the brakes on everything else in my life. It takes up so much time and energy. I had never, ever been like this before. I think it’s because I spend so much time alone in the mornings (when I should be doing homework or running) that my brain goes “OOh, free time! Let’s binge, then purge away the guilt!” Ick, I don’t want to talk about this crap.

Yesterday, the ex-boyfriend texted me out of nowhere. I actually said “Holy Crap, John-John!” outloud in the middle of a movie. He just wanted to chat and let me know that if there is anything I need, ever, or want to talk, he’s here for me. That boy just can’t stop loving me. Dammit.

I then went for a walk through my downtown to my favorite coffee shop. The sis tagged along. Of course, a guy I used to “hang” with was there (he works there, and never leaves), it’s always a bit awkward seeing him, maybe perhaps because we had the oddest relationship ever. Not dating, not screwing, not even talking a whole lot. I would just sleep over, we would cuddle, get breakfast, and that’s about it. For 3 months we did that.

His best friend/roommate was with him too. He used to have a bit of a thing for me too. I liked him well enough, but, he’s a Christian-basher, and I am most definitely Christian. I would have a hard enough time dating a non-christian, let alone someone who likes to insult them. But, he’s really sweet to me and it made my whole evening just to see him. So, end of story, it was boy fest yesterday and I was really glad that I made myself look good.

Today, what I am going to be, is lazy. I am scared to get out of bed for anything other than coffee because I don’t want to binge/purge. So, I think I will just catch-up on blogs, do homework, and watch youtube until it gets too late for me to b/p. Step-dad is home at 1:40, so I just need to keep myself safe until about 12:30.

I don’t know what I am going to do with myself.

Oh yeah, hula hooping to night. Check out hooping on youtube, it’s the bom-diggity. I’ve been practicing. Super addictive.

 

Much Love,

Chelsea

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