by walking the hell away. I had eaten nothing but carrots at work so, when I opened a drawer to see a massive bag of peanuts I grabbed a handful and scarfed it down. I managed to tell myself no more. Then, on my lunch break someone brought in cupcakes and I ate one. I forced myself to leave and walk the mall so I wouldn’t eat anymore. I bought a diet Pepsi, calmed myself down and reminded myself that a normal person eat one, enjoys it, and moves on. I still don’t know now I kept myself from eating 5 more plus the bag of Doritos sitting by them.
I feel like my bingeing is close to being under control. I can NOT stand the guilt anymore. Plus, people are starting to notice my weight gain. They tell me that I look great. But, that just upsets me. I’ll be comfortable when I’m back down to 116-118 pounds. I am currently 122.2 pounds. I hate it. I know I look much better when I weigh more but, I hate that I gained the weight because I’m out of control. Shit, I hate the damn scale. I’m still a size zero so, why the hell do I care that I put on a few pounds. One day, one day I will be rid of the scale. It’s never too late to be what I could have been, free from the slavery of weight and calories.
Now, happy time talk.
Sugar plum Celestial Seasonings tea in my new Christmas zebra mug.
Also, I did my hurr today. It’s all pretty and curly. Oops, I’m so bad at dressing myself, totally wearing the same thing as yesterday. Remember, makeup is what I’m good at.
Eww, dusty mirror. Remind me to tell you the story behind the Hello Kitty/ Lady Gaga mash-up painting hanging on my wall.
Love y’all, keep it binge free,