Today, I was a professional apologizer/male species herder..

As I explained in previous posting, I work in a cosmetics department. Today, being Christmas Eve eve. Last minute shoppers were out in full force. An easy way to spend a lot of money on a person is by purchasing perfume/cologne. This means that my department was bom-freakin-barded today. There were two categories of shoppers today.

Category One: Procrastinating Women.

They fly into the store last-minute with ad in hand. They demand “I need that, in this picture, right here.” The word please is not involved. This where I become a pro at apologizing. “I’m sorry miss. We sold out of the Justin Bieber gift sets” She replies, “But, it’s in the ad, if you’re going to advertise then you should have it, now what am I supposed to do?” She stares at me awkwardly, as if her desperation could give me power to conjure up one of the said freakin Bieber gift sets. So, I respond “Again, I’m sorry. We had them yesterday but, everyone wanted them. The Taylor Swift perfume had gift set come in and it smells quite a lot like the Bieber.” and the conversation goes on. She leaves with nothing and declares that she’s “Going to Macy’s, I should have gone there first. They can help me since you can’t.” Little does she know that I called to see if they had them in stock, and they are sold out too. I could have told her but, her rudeness prompted me to zip my lips and let her walk her ass to the other side of the mall.

Category Two: Procrastinating Men

Men can be the easiest customers. They come in with an idiot proof list from their wives and we just fill the order. Or they say they are clueless and just know that their wife wanted some kind of perfume. So, I get to play personal shopper and pick out everything, and add in all kinds of bits and bobs. Some men just drive me batty, though. They want my help but, they don’t think that I’m getting them what they want. They think I’m wrong, blah blah blah. They invent some perfume in their head that doesn’t exist but, they’re positive that’s what their wife wears. Real life example: ” Can I get some help around here young lady? I need that, uh, Couture Viva perfume.” I tell him that he must mean Viva La Juicy by Juicy Couture, and yes I will get that right now. The dude proceeds to argue with me that he’s positive that’s not the name of it. Then, when he finally lets me go to get the bottle, he realizes that he did get the name a little off. Damn fool. Nevermind all of the rest of the perfume naming mishaps, Hypnose or Hypnotic. Beautiful or Lovely. Donna Karan, but which one, Cashmere Mist, Pure, Be Delicious.

Dear heavens, this holiday drama is all so ridiculous and miserable. I am so glad that my family is doing damn near nothing on Christmas. We just want to sit on our asses, eat good food, and catch up on each other’s lives. Presents be damned.

Christmas Eve day I work at 5:45 am. I’m done at noon. Naptime. Dinner at the grandparents. Then sleep. That’s a good enough day for me.

Question: Whatch’all doin’ for the holidayz?

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