Today I was on a rant rampage…

apparently I think that I have the best advice for everyone, regardless of their problems. I also think that I am more sensible and logical than everyone else. Here is my biggest pet peeve: boy issues. My solution is always simple, drop the bastard. I literally said to my sister “Here is where I am different than other girls, I have self-control regarding guys” (pompous, right?). I then explained the following situation to her…

‘ Lately, I have been having the urge to get in touch with Josh again. I know that it’s just because I want the attention, I know that he will get all lovey-dovey and do boyfriend things. I love that feeling that I get when he fawns over me. I think I just want to feel loved and have someone to cuddle with, and take me on dates. I am different from other girls because I am resisting this urge because it’s selfish and I have no actual interest in Josh other than the way he makes me feel. Why can’t girls recognize the difference between loving someone and loving the way he makes you feel?’

This isn’t an exact account, that would take too long. But, man, I am a self-righteous bitch sometimes. It’s strange though, I don’t think any less of boy-crazy girls. This is because, although I think it’s complete, stupid, asinine behavior, I have my own issues that are just as, or even more idiotic. My brain then came up with this next thought. Just because someone deems your actions as stupid, senseless, or selfish doesn’t mean that they think you are a bad person. I have had so many close friends break up their friendships with other close friends because they didn’t recognize this. This happens alot in church groups because we confront each other about our bad behavior (hey, if your friends won’t reality check you, the world will and it will hurt worse). Additionally, if someone gets pissed at you because of your bad behavior, often times it’s because that person hates to see you hurt or in trouble. I am the same way with my sister when I see her being self-destructive I get mad because otherwise I would feel too much pain at her suffering.

My point comes down to this…

Just love each other, keep your judgements in your own head as best you can. Help each other make the best decisions we can. When your friends do bad/stupid things, help them pick themselves back up and keep on loving.

Now, run time. I did 6 miles this morning. At mile 3 my chest started hurting and it pissed me the hell off. I kept going although my lungs wanted to walk. Not my best time but, considering my chest pain I’m surprised I did this well.

Peek-a-boo with Mr. Garmin, pre-run.

Here are my stats…

Mile #                                  Time                          Split Distance         Pace

Summary 50:10.5 6.03 8:19
1 8:31.2 1.00 8:31
2 8:27.4 1.00 8:28
3 8:11.7 1.00 8:12
4 8:35.3 1.00 8:35
5 8:15.8 1.00 8:16
6 7:55.2 1.00 7:55
7 :13.9 0.03 8:10

I clearly picked up the pace for the last mile. My brain said, “Screw this bitch, get your ass home”. And get home I did.

I also made my favorite soup/stew thing. So dang good. I shall name it…

Fall in a Pot Soup

  • 1 cup chopped apple
  • 1/2 cup yellow onion
  • 1 clove fresh garlic
  • 1 cup diced carrot (I used canned only because I had it, if using fresh cook it first so that it’s soft)
  • I can pure pumpkin
  • tons of spices, definitely season to taste, I used tonssss of cinnamon.
  • also, pumpkin pie spice, salt, pepper, cinnamon stick ( necessary), onion and garlic powder, cardamom, ginger, thyme, oregano, 3 packets stevia (also amazing with maple syrup or brown sugar)

First, I saute the onions with a few spritzes of butter pan spray ( just enough to brown them without adding too many calories, I live by this stuff) then add the garlic in at the end. Then, add in the apple and half a cup of water. Bring to boil, this allows the apple to soften enough. Then, add in the can of pumpkin, carrots, and two cups of water. Add in all of your spices. Bring to boil and then reduce heat to super low and allow to cook for another hour or so. Add more water if it’s too thick for you. I added in another cup of water by the time it was done cooking.

So. Good. If I had vegetable stock I would have used that instead of water. Also, french onion soup mix is amazing in it as well. You can add in or sub whatever vegetables you want. I only suggest that you don’t add in a vegetable with too potent a flavor or else it will overwhelm the other flavors and mess up the sweet/savory vibe. Potatoes, celery, a few spinach leaves would all be wonderful additions. This soup is ridiculously healthy and full of nutritional goodness, also, my version today was only about 400 calories for the entire pot. I ate 1/3 of it along with ghetto garlic bread and steamed brussels sprouts. I had a massive fiber food baby after that.

Pheww, I guess that’s all. I will leave you with a photo that I was trying to sneak in my room before my sister caught me. I always get embarassed when I’m busted photographing myself.

Sneaky-Sneaky, Hide from Sissy


Today I was in the babysitter’s club…

for a 6-year-old named Isabella. Basically, it was Justin Bieber fest. All day. We also drew pictures, played with clay, and snacked. Snack time was almost a binge fest. I had a mini binge of about 500 calories. I call it a binge because it was frantic, unplanned, and I almost went waayyyy overboard. I knew it was because I was hungry. I think I need to do what every binge help advice tells me to do. Eat enough, eat at frequent enough intervals, and don’t let yourself get to the point of starving. Oh, well, crisis averted.

My day was wonderful. I loved babysitting Bella, she’s a different little girl to be sure but, she entertains me. I also have a soft spot for people who are a little strange. I always feel more like myself when I am around the little kiddies. Also, I am so preoccupied with them and their needs that I forget about food for a little while. Children are my escape from my neuroses. Her mom’s boyfriend arrived home an hour early with his 7-year-old son Camden but, I stayed anyway. I played with the kids a bit longer, Scott and I chatted about school, I challenged Cam with some math problems ( I am an el.ed. major). Then, Scott played a bunch of music recordings of his band and his own personal demos and soundbites. That man can rock.

My night has ended peacefully enough with dinner and lots of blog reading. I’ve also tried to start reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo but, I am having a difficult time calming my thoughts enough to pay attention to the story. I will try again tomorrow. Now, it is time for dessert as soon as this post is posted then, I need to get a good night’s sleep for tomorrow’s 6 mile run.

Today, I prevented a massive binge

by walking the hell away. I had eaten nothing but carrots at work so, when I opened a drawer to see a massive bag of peanuts I grabbed a handful and scarfed it down. I managed to tell myself no more. Then, on my lunch break someone brought in cupcakes and I ate one. I forced myself to leave and walk the mall so I wouldn’t eat anymore. I bought a diet Pepsi, calmed myself down and reminded myself that a normal person eat one, enjoys it, and moves on. I still don’t know now I kept myself from eating 5 more plus the bag of Doritos sitting by them.

I feel like my bingeing is close to being under control. I can NOT stand the guilt anymore. Plus, people are starting to notice my weight gain. They tell me that I look great. But, that just upsets me. I’ll be comfortable when I’m back down to 116-118 pounds. I am currently 122.2 pounds. I hate it. I know I look much better when I weigh more but, I hate that I gained the weight because I’m out of control. Shit, I hate the damn scale. I’m still a size zero so, why the hell do I care that I put on a few pounds. One day, one day I will be rid of the scale. It’s never too late to be what I could have been, free from the slavery of weight and calories.

Now, happy time talk.

Sugar plum Celestial Seasonings tea in my new Christmas zebra mug.

What's up sugar-plum?

Also, I did my hurr today. It’s all pretty and curly. Oops, I’m so bad at dressing myself, totally wearing the same thing as yesterday. Remember, makeup is what I’m good at.

Eww, dusty mirror. Remind me to tell you the story behind the Hello Kitty/ Lady Gaga mash-up painting hanging on my wall.

Love y’all, keep it binge free,


Today, I was revisiting my past…

with my mumma. She and I sat and talked while waiting for my stepdad to come home. The topic of discussion= moving back in with her. I am 25 years old and I moved out the day I turned 18 and into my dad’s house full-time. My dad recently re-married and re-located to the Florida Keys. So, our house is now going up for sale and I need a new place to live until I graduate college and can afford a place of my own.

In the past, living with my stepdad caused lots of issues. I was immature, and he was even more immature than I. But, we’ve both grown up alot in these past 7 years. I want to live with my family so, we’re going to make this work. Also, my “half by blood” sister is 13 and she doesn’t really know me anymore and I want to create an adult relationship with her. I don’t want her to know me as her babysitter. Anyways, lots of reminiscing and old times discussions. I want to leave the past in the past and start fresh with happy times.

Now, fun conversation. 4 Mile run today. The soreness from my Christmas Day 10 miler was less so I braved the cold and snow. Dudes, I was soaked when I got home and I loved it. I feel like a badass when running in terrible weather, and it makes me run so quickly. The thought of a warm bath and hot oatmeal lights a fire under my ass for sure. Here are my run stats:

Mile                                     Min:Sec                      Lap Distance     Pace

Summary 31:33.2 4.00 7:53
1 7:59.4 1.00 8:00
2 7:54.6 1.00 7:55
3 7:54.3 1.00 7:54
4 7:42.9 1.00 7:43
5 :02.0 0.00 11:51

That was a bom-diggity run fo sho.

Now, I am going to clean the bathroom. It’s not fun, it’s  not glamorous. It just has to be done. I did take time to take a pic of myself in the bathroom, actually, I am just straight up procrastinating. Oh yeah, I had my hair cut and colored. Too bad it looks like crap in this photo, I didn’t style it today, just blow dried upside down. So damn lazy.

Today, I was happy the holidays are coming to a close…

they are exhausting in the retail world. I think the general population finally understands that if they spread out their post-christmas returns then it’s more pleasant for them and us, the workers. Very few returns today, considering past years. I enjoyed work today. Oh, yeah. I didn’t mention it yet but, I quit my full-time Lancome position and moved into the stupid accessories department. I am a full-time commuting student (4 hours roundtrip, twice a week). I almost lost my mind doing both. Don’t get me wrong, I survived it but, I have no intention of doing that again next semester. So, part-time job it is.

My Christmas was very chill. Just me, mumma, step-dad, and two sisters. We ate decent food, played games, exchanged a few presents. It was perfect. All I wanted was to relax and love up on my family. Goal accomplished. Well, I didn’t really relax too much. I got a Garmin Forerunner as a gift, so I took it out on a 10 mile run before lunch. It was fantastic. I’m in love with my little Garmin, my new bff for sure. Well, that took up 1 hour and 22 minutes of my day.

All of that time running allowed me to create my New Year’s Goals. I will share those in a later post. I guess you’re simply going to have to come back later if you’re curious (tricksy, I am).

Ahh, Monday, I decided was going to be the day I discuss makeup. But, since I had to be in to work at 5:30am, my face was on the more boring side. Rose blush, pearly grey shadow on the lid, pearly white shadow on the brow bone and inner corner, deep maroon lipstick blotted to a stain. Liquid eyeliner as usual except, I didn’t wing it out cat-eye style. I kept it thin on the outside of my eye and thicker over my iris, this create the illusion of very round eyes. Then I lined my lower lashes in black but, only on the outer third, this too enhances the round shape, I finished with curled lashes and tons o’ mascara and white eyeliner on my waterline. Pheww, that’s a light day for me.

Now, i’m off to bed. 4 mile run in the morn and then a meeting with my parents about possibly moving back in with them until I finish college. Good night little dollbabies, tell me about yo Christmas too!!


Today, I was a professional apologizer/male species herder..

As I explained in previous posting, I work in a cosmetics department. Today, being Christmas Eve eve. Last minute shoppers were out in full force. An easy way to spend a lot of money on a person is by purchasing perfume/cologne. This means that my department was bom-freakin-barded today. There were two categories of shoppers today.

Category One: Procrastinating Women.

They fly into the store last-minute with ad in hand. They demand “I need that, in this picture, right here.” The word please is not involved. This where I become a pro at apologizing. “I’m sorry miss. We sold out of the Justin Bieber gift sets” She replies, “But, it’s in the ad, if you’re going to advertise then you should have it, now what am I supposed to do?” She stares at me awkwardly, as if her desperation could give me power to conjure up one of the said freakin Bieber gift sets. So, I respond “Again, I’m sorry. We had them yesterday but, everyone wanted them. The Taylor Swift perfume had gift set come in and it smells quite a lot like the Bieber.” and the conversation goes on. She leaves with nothing and declares that she’s “Going to Macy’s, I should have gone there first. They can help me since you can’t.” Little does she know that I called to see if they had them in stock, and they are sold out too. I could have told her but, her rudeness prompted me to zip my lips and let her walk her ass to the other side of the mall.

Category Two: Procrastinating Men

Men can be the easiest customers. They come in with an idiot proof list from their wives and we just fill the order. Or they say they are clueless and just know that their wife wanted some kind of perfume. So, I get to play personal shopper and pick out everything, and add in all kinds of bits and bobs. Some men just drive me batty, though. They want my help but, they don’t think that I’m getting them what they want. They think I’m wrong, blah blah blah. They invent some perfume in their head that doesn’t exist but, they’re positive that’s what their wife wears. Real life example: ” Can I get some help around here young lady? I need that, uh, Couture Viva perfume.” I tell him that he must mean Viva La Juicy by Juicy Couture, and yes I will get that right now. The dude proceeds to argue with me that he’s positive that’s not the name of it. Then, when he finally lets me go to get the bottle, he realizes that he did get the name a little off. Damn fool. Nevermind all of the rest of the perfume naming mishaps, Hypnose or Hypnotic. Beautiful or Lovely. Donna Karan, but which one, Cashmere Mist, Pure, Be Delicious.

Dear heavens, this holiday drama is all so ridiculous and miserable. I am so glad that my family is doing damn near nothing on Christmas. We just want to sit on our asses, eat good food, and catch up on each other’s lives. Presents be damned.

Christmas Eve day I work at 5:45 am. I’m done at noon. Naptime. Dinner at the grandparents. Then sleep. That’s a good enough day for me.

Question: Whatch’all doin’ for the holidayz?